


Reality

by Pita Pan (Lizlow)



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:12:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizlow/pseuds/Pita%20Pan
Summary: "Yuzuru, I need to speak with you.""Ah, of course, Rei.""What are your feelings towardher? Why is she special to you?"Do you 'like' her?Saeki can't give an answer. She, she simple isHoshino Ichika,the one. He met her back in the academy, and their 'friendship' blossomed from there. An empathetic rookie and a carefree police box officer, able to keep each other sane, by supporting each other, going out for drinks with one another.Wouldn’t it be pleasant if this was, truly, all he was?





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

> **SPOILERS for the entire game** particularly Yanagi's route and some bits of Adonis route. 
> 
> I'm actually high-key tired of looking at this. It was going better at first than towards the end, and it was written out of order. Saeki is a _fascinating_ character that I'm still not certain I've gotten down pat. He's really complicated, but I think that's what makes him so interesting to keep looking at. I can only hope to improve even more and truly do him justice.  
>  Gosh DANG his cgs are pretty.

Back on the grind. The _ever_ fascinating monotony of holding an average, unassuming job like this really shows how far a plan can go if the mold isn’t broken. All is coming together, closer, but what does that mean in his case? Why, it can only mean that the higher ups are getting closer to cracking the X-Day case, and he, the average, police box officer, is doing what he can on patrols to keep the civilians as calm as possible.

Wouldn’t it be pleasant if this was, truly, him?

Ah, but, pretenses aside, he digresses. The work he is doing is actual work.

A role cannot be access unless you become it, so he  _became_ ‘Saeki Yuzuru.’ He, he is an average police officer, living day-to-day simply _being_. He scrapes by, holding an apartment that he hardly, actually stays in, due to... work? He’d call it that, even when meanings play more deeply. Paycheck-to-paycheck, sometimes, he even has to have his _good_ friend split, even front the drinking bill, _swearing_ that he’d treat her later, or pay her back or -- well, drunken minds will slur and sob more than right ones.

This friend?

Hoshino Ichika, on the force for six months, give or take. A rookie in every sense, but her strong communication skills, and empathy, placed her on SRCPO. He believes her ideals to coincide with his own -- she, a sympathizer with his goal. She works tirelessly to help quell the public and, now, she’s investigating X-Day on her own terms too.

How far will she get?

What path to truth will she seek?

_We let you know the X-Day..._

A phrase that, again, hangs in their minds. There is nothing false about it. It will happen, if those challenged to stop it do not. It will happen, if those who can do it fail to. Entering the station, he reflects on what has happened so far, and what might.

What will become part of this world’s timeline?

Quite awake at this hour, it seems, but nothing really ever ends. There will be others, but will they hold the same pearls as she? Ah, but, no need to dwell on that. For the moment, he isn’t anything more or less than an upholder of the law.

Just a... ‘hunch’ but considering the day, and time, he pops into the hub area of Hoshino’s rank. It seems like he’s right on the mark as well, since she’s asleep at her desk. There’s no mistaking the steady, slight rise of her shoulders as she inhales and exhales. Rightfully so, he approaches.

“Another all nighter?”

He says this with a chuckle, more so to the air than to her. Can’t converse with a sleeping coworker, after all. Sighing, he places his jacket over her shoulders, a small gesture for the one he’s so... familiar with... it wouldn’t due for her to fall ill, either. She’d probably, seriously, push herself to work, even if she had fallen ill. He’d rather her have the clear head she usually has.

There’s little time left.

“Mmm... good work today... Saeki-kun.”

Busted that easily, huh? He puts on his _usual_ friendly smile while peering down at her -- still asleep, it seems. Well, it’s not like her shift is yet anyway.

“Yeah, you’ve been working hard too, Hoshino.”

There’s something routine about this, but maybe that’s because she’s been a busybody since he met her. Maybe it’s because they’ve had little tells of their ‘relationship’ like this for so long. Maybe it’s because this is how... how life ‘should’ be, if things were different, if the world was decent and normal.

Now, whatever could have brought them together, and this far? Interest? Ambition? Coincidence? Fate?

‘Hope’?

“See you later, Hoshino. Don’t get in trouble for napping, and... sleep well.”

He strides off, leaving her to rest a bit more before Mochida comes in. She’ll be just fine, so he should also focus. As he’s said, there’s much work to be done...

...On both sides of the same coin.

* * *

 

Hoshino wakes from a small encouragement from Mochida once he arrives, and goes about her day, working as hard and as tirelessly as ever. This, she hopes, will not cause her to end up falling asleep at her desk once more, so she’ll be careful.

Mochida tells her to go on break, and even that she’d be fine if she wanted to leave early -- he insists on it, for her sake, but Hoshino isn’t sure. Somehow, her rest had been energizing enough. Was it thanks to the gentle warmth of the jacket upon her shoulders.

_I have... to give this back now._

So she _does_ take her break, picking the clothing up in her arms and marching off, hoping to catch him before he got too far away.

“Sae..!. Saeki... kun...!!” Maybe she underestimated her remaining strength, thinking false of the power she felt from the small sleep she did get, but fortunately, timing works out just well. He manages to catch her, after all. 

“Oof-- Looks like you use a few more winks, Hoshino.”

“Right...”

“Haha, no worries though! You know I’ve got your back!” Saeki looks down at her, kind as ever, and she, dazed, takes only seconds to revitalize, just a bit, smiling and laughing. Is it from the security she feels around him, so blissfully unaware of what he has done, that she doesn’t tumble and fluster? Or is it because her heart already eyes another? Is there an answer? Or is that part of her still asleep?

“I know I can count on you. Thank you.”

“Yeah! Let’s have another passionate talk over drinks again soon.”

“Saeki-kun!”

He pats her on the head, and helps her stand straight, taking his jacket back in the process. Lively as ever, they really do get along well. She’s comfortable... unsuspecting. If he didn’t know any better, he’d wonder how far she’s come. But he knows, knows her progression. Closer, closer she is, to facing the truth.

“But, thank you for the jacket, too, earlier,” Hoshino says, her eyes clearly showing everything she feels. 

“Glad you figured it out it was mine.”

“I had a feeling,” she knows the him she speaks to well, anyway.

“Oh! A just gut! Well, use the rest of your break wisely, Hoshino. And rest up, okay? Later!”

“...Mmm, see you later, Saeki-kun.”

He watches as she moves off and back to work. The moment lingers, and he’d sooner continue on his way than arouse any unnecessary suspicion. It’s almost as though he’s whistling, but the friendly air is no stranger to him, so others don’t pay it any mind. One more second, his carefree vibe allowing him to slip off as soon as her steps fall out of earshot. _Yeah,_ she’ll get her wind.

She always does.

* * *

 

It isn’t as though a normal day-to-day _hadn’t_ crossed his mind. Or maybe it would be better to say, thoughts of those kind have struck a chord with those around them. These people are none the wiser, only challenging the best means that, perhaps, deep down...

One day they will share life for two, _best_ friends as they are.

How simple a living like that would be, laughing to a song that never ends, using their meager funds to transform their world dull and cold to bright and warm. Perhaps she would still move to cover the bill by habit, even if they joint their finances. Then she’d walk with him supported on her shoulder and call a taxi to bring them back home on those leisurely nights they have time to drink.

All an illusion. A foolish thought that can never be. Look at what the world’s _made_ him to. Look at what he’s done. There’s no longer a chance to go back. He’s knows that, knows that very, very well. Even if he is greedy, even if he -- _that’s enough_.

For he knows, knows what he really wishes of her.

This life, is far too darkened, dredged in sin. There must be cleansing. While some revel in happiness, somewhere out there, someone is crying. Their sorrow is the bell they ring, their wails are the stories they bring. And he hears them, he hears them loud and clear.  He can’t rest, not when he can still hear them.

The tortured, pained souls, weeping.

The man that he is, across all identities, has come to think of her as important, special. Is there a word for it, for this _attachment_ that has stirred, for this _interest_ that remains, for what he _desires_ from her?

Perhaps another would know, or bother to name it. He’ll simply leave it at... _fascinated_.

No need to dwell.

Things will resolve in due time. Things will converge in due time. Things will be clearer, and he, he is _curious_ on where she will head.

As he checks in on _her_ , he feels the urge to say something. But, hitting that button now will only instill more fear in her. Increase the anxiety that rattles her, cloud her head. This communicator should only be used at the most necessary moments. Anything else -- his timing watched -- needs to be as ‘Saeki.’

“ _Mmm, I’m really worried.”_

_“You don’t need to--”_

“--worry, Hoshino.”

He speaks and finishes the sentence with the man she is with.  Perhaps, her choices won’t actually bring her to his door, but he can track her progress nonetheless. It wouldn’t due to leave it be, not when he went through the motions, not when things are left unsettled.

The truth is far from the “pleasant” _hope_ they seem to wish for.

Even if the cloths they are cut from are wrought with pain, sin, pasts that have been stained just so. Gathered with reason, _chosen_ with reason.

 _Do your best, Hoshino_.

If the push is _the most favorable_ , if the lights align, the stage set to their ultimate concerto, then how will it look? Staring into his aquarium, watching his fish swim their monotonous, carefree circles... they are the most liberated, aren’t they? Troubleless, they live every second nearly forgetting their last. At ease, relaxed, it gives way to him being able to picture _one possible_ outcome.

A tremble in her eyes, he’ll walk past her. Though blood may splatter his hands, his face, he’ll look at her as usual. No need to change his image, when it’s already distorted. Who will she see? [Saeki Yuzuru] the fake, the non-existent, the one that lied in his grin, but had very _real_ times with her, or [Zero] the leader of Adonis, the “God” of the reborn world.

Whatever she does will become the _reality_ of this timeline. He’ll speak clear so that she may hear him, be as real as she knows him. When the curtains rise, where will the actors be?

What end will he be at, where he’s listening to all the cries, sifting through what would be lies?

He wants her to ki-- him.

A simple desire.

In it, there are no tears, but if things lay out differently, and she chooses not to pull the trigger.

Well now, he wonders about that. Will she follow her ideals, no hesitance in her sharp shot? Will she strike him down or spare him? Will she see justice through?

Will she take his hand, if he offers it?

Will she ‘live’ _alongside_ him? Go on ‘dates’ with him? See the world through the same binoculars?

What will be the words he can say to her afterwards?

_“Good work today, Hoshino.”_

Or...

_“Hey... Hoshino, long time no see.”_

That tale, that answer, that’s for another time. Maybe even for another line. For now, they can laugh, chat, slam their glasses in passionate discussions of justice. She doesn’t yet have to discover the details right in front of her. He trusts what will come to someone like her, is meant to be.

He grins. If he’s wrong, then he’ll keep living as though this is the not-so-bad truth. Because that’s who ‘he’ is, isn’t it? In reality, he’s nothing more than what’s he’s seen as, a soul like him. And _she_ knows him, now, as _Saeki Yuzuru_ , a simple police box officer, and a good friend.


End file.
